Why Did You Stay So Long?

*NOTE: I wrote this for a secular publication - as a staff writer in their inspirational & social commentary sections

It's time to move forward.

You remember laying awake at 2 o’clock in the morning, staring out into the darkness while you reflect on your life up until that point. As you lay there restless, you replayed the poor choices you made to stay in your relationship. With each difficult memory, you struggled to find the peace of mind to go back to sleep. You were tormented at the inability to move on from a bad situation even though you know it was slowly killing your spirit.

When morning finally came, you could barely get out of bed. With no energy left in your weakened body, you fight to start another day of work. Later in the morning, your job would be the only escape from reality, yet it was a challenge for you to just get dressed to go to work. Nevertheless, with great effort, you would finally make it to the bathroom where you struggled to look at your own face in the mirror because you did not like what you saw. It’s true that a person has really hit rock bottom when they can't accept their own reflection in the mirror! The thought of staring at yourself, more importantly, looking into your own eyes was too daunting to contemplate. At that point, you were a lost soul…with a fragile psyche ….a truly broken human being.

Each person struggles with ending a bad relationship for different reasons. Some fear the prospect of being alone. The idea of living without the security of having someone in your life, even if the situation is not ideal, could be too much for most people to handle. Some people weigh the emotional, financial, or spiritual consequences of walking away. There are also situations where family pressures cause people to stay in unhealthy partnerships v/s facing the scrutiny of their family members. The idea of having to explain why the relationship fell apart is a difficult proposition for anyone. It’s easier to live in silent pain. However, silent pain will one day yield public humiliation. It’s been said before that "what is done in the dark will come to the light." Eventually, people will know about your private struggle. Eventually, you will have to deal with it publicly, so it’s better that you control the message before others do. For that reason, you will ultimately need to take the initiative and begin the long hard

road of separation.

Why did you stay in a bad relationship that was well past its expiration date? Do you know?

For many people, the reasons for staying in unhealthy relationships perplexes their family, friends, and others that care about them. However, you have legitimate fears, real concerns, and most importantly you maintain the right to control your life even as others disagree. Nevertheless, it’s understandable that people close to you that see your suffering, truly want what is best for you. The pain they feel for you is real. Unfortunately for them, they must wait until you find the internal strength to be able to move on with your life.

Therefore, the answer to the question as to why you stayed in a bad relationship for so long is becoming clearer. You stayed in the relationship because you really didn’t know how to get out of it. However, once you recognize that you have more personal power than anyone ever gave you credit for, you will be ready to finally move on. The beauty of getting out of a bad relationship is that you can finally live the life that you deserve to live. You can now experience the world in all its fullness without the restrictive binds of someone holding you back. You are now able to smell, taste, see, and to feel new experiences like never before. Importantly, when you go to sleep at night, you can now actually sleep.

For those of you who are still living in a bad relationship, please do not continue to deny yourself the complete joy that comes with freedom. Remember, there are many people who have successfully traveled that long, slow painful journey out of their hurt and into their future. You must believe that you have it within yourself to do the very same thing. So tomorrow morning, jump out of bed with renewed energy and then begin the process of taking control of your future.

This is my prayer for you: Please say it with me. Father God, please give me the strength I need to finally exercise greater love for myself than I have previously accepted. Open my heart to receive the abundant love you have freely awaiting to pour all over me. Teach me to know how precious I am to you. I pray that I live in your love and abide in your goodness. Today, as a reinvigorated child of yours, I declare that I deserve a better future. I will no longer accept anything less than caring, tender, and gentle love. Guard my heart as I step out boldly in faith. And lead me by the hand, every step along the way. I love you, in Jesus' Name. Amen.

Good for you,

Thomas Knowles, Minister

Check out this video for more guidance.