Why am I so Sad?

Are feelings of Guilt and Regret from missed opportunities valid?

Feelings of guilt and regret whether real or imagined may arise from something you failed to do. It is not the classical feeling of guilt or regret that most people struggle with. Those feelings stem from breaking civil or religious law, betraying a trust, or ignoring a duty. Looking back remorsefully at those decisions is understandable yet, unhealthy as well. In the extreme; the painful reflection over situations where you chose to do something contrary to an intense feeling to do something else can be debilitating. It is possible your impulses told you to decide one way but, in the end, you decided against it. Now as you look back at those missed opportunities compared to the choice you did make, oftentimes one is overcome with a feeling of guilt and regret. Through the years, this mental process has always taken place, yet today, the recent Covid quarantine gives more time for self-examination. In times of isolation with many distractions restricted from us, we have more time to sit, lie awake, and think about our lives.

It is in these times we replay decisions that hurt our standing with our own identity; with others; and with our Creator.

The process of self-reflection can be helpful and beneficial until it is not. The chance of going too far and then punishing ourselves over lost opportunities is never good for any of us. The impact can weigh down our feelings physically, medically, and spiritually. Not to mention the negative impact it has on our present relationships. All the while, the conclusions we draw are not fair at all. For it opens the door to imagine what could have been if only we would have done this or that one thing given the information available. This thought process creates feelings of distress because the severity of the pain is based on baseless assumptions that a different decision would have turned out better.

In an article titled, Guilt: The Crippling Emotion, from Psych Central, author Maud Purcell, pens how to avoid falling into what she cleverly names the “guilt trap.” Maud suggests implementing the following steps to "stay out of this bottomless pit".

1. Review the action or event over which you feel guilt.

2. Was the action appropriate or acceptable under the circumstances?

3. If so, let go of the situation and refuse to think about it further. Go for a walk, call a friend, or become absorbed in something enjoyable. Do anything but rethink the situation.

4. If your action was inappropriate, is there something you can do to correct it or to make amends? Now take this step and realize you have done all you can to rectify the situation.

5. What have you learned from this experience that will be helpful in the future?

The "guilt trap" questions provide a solid way to first give perspective to the situation and then take healthy steps to move beyond those feelings. As a believer, I look to scripture for a foundational way of dealing with my past missteps. In Psalm 37:23, the scripture reads, “The steps of a good man are ordered by the Lord: and he delighteth in his way.” If you read this verse in the original Hebrew, at the heart of this scripture is the Hebrew word chaphets. Which means to delight in, to have pleasure in. Do you delight in the Lord? Do you take pleasure in living for Him? I do not mean did you delight or take pleasure in the Lord back then. I mean do you delight or take pleasure in the Lord today? If so, Psalm 37:23 applies to you. Our Heavenly Father is the “Alpha and the Omega, the First and the Last, the Beginning and the End”. (Revelation 22:13) This means, He is not bound by time. He walks in and out of time for His good pleasure. Therefore, know that all your steps; every decision you made were ordered to bring you to Him. To that end, release yourself from your past and move forward snuggly wrapped in His unconditional love.

Thomas Knowles, Minister of the Gospel of Christ Jesus

Reference

Purcell, M. (2020, July 29). Guilt: The Crippling Emotion. Retrieved November 05, 2020, from https://psychcentral.com/lib/guilt-the-crippling-emotion/

Bible Gateway passage: Psalm 37:23 - New International Version. (n.d.). Retrieved November 05, 2020, from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=+Psalm+37%3A23

Bible Gateway passage: Romans 8:28 - New International Version. (n.d.). Retrieved November 05, 2020, from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=Romans+8%3A28

Bible Gateway passage: Revelation 22:13 - New International Version. (n.d.). Retrieved November 05, 2020, from https://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?search=++Revelation+22%3A13