True Manhood

*NOTE: I wrote this for a secular publication - as a staff writer in their inspirational & social commentary sections

Manhood is as misunderstood as the secret to getting rid of the common flu. It may be the most incorrectly defined term in the English language because there are so many conflicting definitions of it. All across the media landscape, manhood has been synonymous with adult male genitalia, depth of voice, age, money, power, and sexual prowess. It's understandable how it confuses little boys of what to grow up to be. Obviously, these characteristics are trivial when you think about what is the true "measure of a man".

True manhood should be defined by the strength of character, conviction, personal responsibility, work ethic, leadership, humility, and most importantly how a “man” treats all women. Manhood is an evolutionary process that takes shape over time. It’s not something that happens as a result of age, puberty, or any celebrated pop-culture milestone.

The late Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said it best when he said, “the ultimate measure of a man is not where he stands in moments of comfort and convenience, but where he stands at times of challenge and controversy.” Unfortunately, society has conditioned mankind, to one degree or another, to think that men should be a certain way—and this conditioning is wrong! In the book of 1 Corinthians chapter 13 verse 11, the text reads, “when I was a child, I spoke as a child, I understood as a child, I thought as a child: but when I became a man, I put away childish things.”

The childish things being “put away” refers to the lack of ability to confront difficult circumstances and ultimately make choices based on a commitment to upright character versus decisions of convenience. True manhood does not look for a comfortable choice in any situation. True manhood is focused on making the right choice in every situation. However, this ability is not a destination of achieved insight; instead, it’s the result of an ongoing commitment to character development by learning from difficult situations and accepting accountability for the choices one makes.

True Manhood appreciates the longer strategic benefit in a situation versus the shorter easier approach to anything. Another way to put it is “Boys play Checkers, Men play Chess”. To understand this analogy one must consider the key difference between the two games. Checkers is focused on instant gratification. With each move, the checker player seeks to jump the other player’s pieces in order to quickly get to the opposing end of the board as soon as possible. Once “kinged”, the focus is on getting all of the opponent’s pieces to win the game. However, in Chess, the players are more cerebral with their moves. Each move is about strategic positioning to capture the King. Instead of trying to get as much of the opponent's pieces as possible, the focus is on one piece, “the King”. Some chess games can last for hours as each player methodically puts their strategy in play. After a lengthier and more meaningful process, the winner finally captures their opponent’s king and wins the game.

The analogy of the game of checkers and chess is true of the way a man should live his life. A real man should have a strategy or vision for his life. It’s not about easy choices or instant gratification. It should be a deliberative process that entails hard work, sacrifice, smart choices, accountability, and perseverance.

Sitting around playing video games all day is not a plan.

Complaining about “the other man" all day is not a strategy.

True manhood is about setting out a course for your life and the ones who depend on you and then methodically putting your plan in motion. The goal is to design a life for yourself that maximizes your potential and leaves a lasting mark on your personal world.

In the book of Proverbs, chapter 13 verse 22, the text reads, “A good man leaves an inheritance to his children's children, And the wealth of the sinner is stored up for the righteous”.

This means that God measures a man on the impact his life has on two generations after him. Imagine that! A true man in the eyes of God will have a legacy so meaningful that multiple generations after his death will still “eat of his fruit”.

If you are a man reading this then these words should give you pause. For God established the manhood challenge, not me. If you are a heterosexual woman reading this then these words should give you direction on what kind of man to look for. In either case, the definition of True Manhood is now complete. It's up to each man to decide if they can fulfill it.

Thomas Knowles, Commentary