Ten Days in Recovery

These are my daily personal conversations with God, during my days in a recovery program. I never intended to share these. However, I have been led by the Lord, to be more open and share whatever I can to touch another person. I hope these posts minister to your soul as they have mine.

Day #1

Dear God,

Thank you for another day. Please tell me why last night I was so worried about EVERYTHING going on with my life? All night all I could think about is what could go wrong with my family, personal problems, and legal issues. What's going on with me? It's like everything hit me all at once.

My Son,

Yesterday you did not hold devotion nor pray with any real focus or feeling. This work requires some effort by you so I can minister to your soul. I am working on your behalf and all you have to do is trust me and spend some "real" time in my presence.

Dear God,

I am so sorry for the lack of devotion and focus yesterday. I guess I subconsciously stopped trusting you. Please forgive me.

My Son,

First, please know you are already forgiven. There is "no condemnation against you", because you abide in me; and you abide in My Son Jesus; and HE in you and He in Me. Just stand on my promises for I will always be true to you. I love you so much.

-I love you too Dad.

Day #2

Dear God, Today I reflected on my journey thus far and wondered if I will ever be able to sustain my faith on my own. I have faith for right now but eventually, I will have to step out on my own into the world and face everything without help. Will I make it?

My Son, That is a BIG and unnecessary question. Can you make it? Yes of course! However, you can only sustain this life, moment to moment abiding in me. Don't forget that tomorrow is not promised. If you look ahead you will miss the blessing and subtle opportunities happening right now. Let us just take it one step at a time on this journey together. There is so much awaiting you and I don't want you to miss out on anything. I love you son.

-I love you too.

Day #3

Dear God, Today I struggled with isolation. I really did not want to be around anyone. I am still a little bummed out from Sunday and Monday. Seeing all of the families having fun with the other guys here and yet I have none of my family with me, It really hurt. It was too much to bear. What should I do during those times?

My Son,

I know it is not easy. I understand that you miss your family and want to be with them. But think about how much you have grown over the last several months. Trust me, I am planning a wonderful reunion for all of you and it will be beyond your most glorious imaginations. Just continue to stand on my promises. I will never let you down and I will never fail you. Just lean on me. I love you so much my child, and I am very proud of you.

-I love you too Dad.

Day #4

Dear God,

Today I had strong feelings about my family. I truly felt that there were so many things I should have done differently and I hope it's not too late.

My Son,

The thoughts in your head were self-condemning and not from me. The way to resist those thoughts is to quickly think about how far you have come along on this journey. Today, you are healthy, rested, sober and making new friends. Never forget where you were a few months ago. Now look straight ahead and keep trusting me. All things will work together for your good because I know your heart and believe in you. I love you son.

-I love you too.

Day #5

Dear God,

Today I focused on trying to keep my thoughts in submission to you. However, there were times when I got caught up in the moment and thought something inappropriate (cute ladies walking around) or fell into worry or impatience. Why does this happen? How can I avoid this?

My Son,

First I love you son. Secondly, do not worry about avoiding those things right now. The fact that you were aware of your drifting thoughts and then tried to refocus is real progress. Instead of being down on yourself when it happened, you quickly snapped back. Be encouraged, and delight in the growth. Please know that what I started in you from the time I formed you in your mother's womb I will complete it. I love you so much and I am so proud of you.

- I love you too dad.

Day #6

Dear God,

Today I struggled with self-condemnation, worry, and complying. I worried about my relationships back home in Atlanta. It's not every day, but at times I wonder how you will piece us back together.

My Son,

There are people who know the work I am doing (in you and for your future). These people are strategically planted in your family's life to encourage them in your absence. By the time I reconnect you back together, the miracle will have already happened. Just stay in the moment., look to me for all things. I will do the rest.

Dear God,

Why have you chosen me? I mean, what is this "path" for my life all about?

My Son,

I chose you from the womb, like many others. You have finally chosen to surrender to me. Now continue to walk by faith, stay surrendered, and grow strong in my ways. Don't worry about tomorrow...there's plenty on your plate today. I love you so much, Dad.

-I love you too Dad.

Day #7

Dear God,

Today started as a normal day, but for some reason, I was overcome with a feeling of loneliness. During that time, my thoughts shifted to what I have learned on my journey thus far. I specifically focused on Psalms 1, "And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of waters, that brings forth its fruit in season". God, do you always use situations to teach us lessons? Why not divine revelation?

My Son,

I use both...and other methods as well. However, situations give you the opportunity to demonstrate what you have learned or are learning in order to "perfect" the attribute being sought. Perfect does not mean final. It's a state relative to a need. Perfecting continues over time. But what I perfect in you now enables you for what you will do now or in the immediate future. Continue to grow in me. For in me, is the True wisdom you seek. I love you so much.

-Muah, Dad.

Day #8

Dear God,

Today was an interesting day. The work was marginally slow, the weather was not great, and the mosquitos were irritating me. I spent a lot of time with one of the younger brothers. As he talked about his situation, family, and faith I saw a lot of my younger self in him. I imagined myself 20 years ago like him. How much I wish I could talk to myself back then. What would I tell him? Would I even listen?

My Son,

Back then you were so full of yourself. The seeds of ego, pride, arrogance were taking root within you. Despite the impending failures I never took my hand off of your life. This time learns to listen, remain sensitive to my voice; directly or through others. Your true life is now only beginning.

Day #9

Dear God,

Today I was asked to work in an area that I was recently removed from. The opportunity surprised me but I was glad to be of assistance. As I worked back in my old area, many of the guys over there told me they were shocked at my humble attitude. So I ask why? The prevailing response was that they would not be happy if asked to go back to an area after being pulled from that area. I honestly did not think about it that way. It simply did not matter to me. I was genuinely happy to help out. What does this all mean?

My Son,

I am so proud of you. Your little light is shining brightly. Always remember that your steps are ordered and all things are working together for your good. When evil is done to you, it must pass through my hands before it gets to you. I turn everything around for my little children. Only I know the intentions of your heart and the sincerity of your love. This is where you can be confident; that I am for you....so who can be against you. I love you so much.

Day #10

Dear Father,

The pastor's message really hit home, although with a twist. There are times, when we are thrown in the fire, like Daniel of no fault of our own. However, there are times when we have an active part in being thrown in the fire. Regardless of the circumstance, I know you are there with us. I have learned to stand firm with integrity on your principles, but to always be respectful to those in authority. The humble road may be the isolated one at times but it's also the road Jesus traveled. Thank you father for correcting me ...for it shows me that you really love me. I love you so much.

My Son,

I feel your love as your little heart opens up to me. And yes, I recently gently corrected you to get you to this point. Always remember, these are just seasons in your life. Within each season are a lesson, fruit, and a blessing. The lessons you learn, yield fruits of the Spirit, As you pass from season to season you take your fruit and a special blessing with you. This is partially what is meant in my Word, as it says you will "grow from faith to faith and from glory to glory". I love you very much.

-I love you too Dad.